I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
only you would photoshop your dick
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
