Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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