don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
