first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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