well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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