If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
