We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
