Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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