Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
