If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
