i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
