They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
