Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
