Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
