that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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