You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
