Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
