if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
