Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
