evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
