The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
