C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
