Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
