No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
