Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
