watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
