I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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