at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
