idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
