so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
