hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
