Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
