Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize