hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
