i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You left your phone here
Wait...
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