my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
