my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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