Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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