I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
