No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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