So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
