Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
