We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
