The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
