i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
