There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
