Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
