I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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