its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
