Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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