it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
