you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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