some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
